* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * “冤屈的”四档作文(得分19分) Dear Ms Jenkins， How is everything going these days? I’m writing to ask help from you. The summer vacation is coming soon, so I plan to take a parttime job in a foreign capital company during my twomonth holiday.You know that working experience is very important when I graduate from college.So I’d like to get some working experience by doing the parttime job.Besides, I can earn some pocket money to buy what I need. In order to apply for the job, I have written my job application form and personal resume.Please correct my application and the format of my resume when you are free. I would be thankful if you send it to me by Friday. Looking forward to your early reply. Yours， Li Hua 升格后的五档作文(得分24分) Dear Ms Jenkins， How is everything going these days? I’m writing to seek help from you. The summer vacation is around the corner, so I plan to take a parttime job in a foreign capital company during my twomonth holiday.As you know, working experience is of vital importance when I graduate from college.Therefore I’d like to gain some working experience by doing the parttime job.In addition, I can earn some pocket money to buy what I need. In order to apply for the job, I have written my job application form and personal resume.Please polish my application and check the format of my resume when it is convenient for you. I would appreciate it if you send it to me by Friday. Looking forward to your early reply. Yours， Li Hua 名 师 点 评 左栏作文用词准确，分段合理，而且使用了非谓语动词、复合句等，总体来说是一篇相当不错的作文。但是看一下右栏提升后的作文，就会感叹其语言更地道、更自然流畅，可谓妙笔生花，技高一筹。 词汇的提升有六处，特别是around the corner, of vital importance以及polish和check的使用会令人赞叹进入了一个更高级的写作档次；句式的提升有三处，As you know定语从句，when it is convenient for you状语从句，以及固定句式I would appreciate it if ...的使用都恰到好处，相对于左栏的作文有了大幅度的提升。 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 第4讲 四档升五档，词句表达“靓一靓” 高考英语书面表达评分标准对第五档的要求有这样一段话“语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致”。由此可以看出，作文要想上五档线，必须要使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇。并且，在高考阅卷时，一篇作文往往在1分钟内就被判定生死。大众化的词汇、平庸的表达会使长时间工作的阅卷老师产生视觉疲劳，如果一篇作文中突然出现几个与众不同、让人眼前一亮的词汇和句型，阅卷老师的给分也绝不会吝啬！ ——“一字”之师，五档可攀 (2016·全国卷Ⅰ)假定你是李华，暑假想去一家外资公司兼职，已写好申请书和个人简历(resume)。给外教Ms Jenkins写信，请她帮你修改所附材料的文字和格式(format)。 注意：1.词数100左右； 2.可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。 词汇要美，就要多使用高级词汇。那么何为较高级词汇？众所周知，词汇本来并没有“高低贵贱”之分，但某个词汇一旦放在了具体语境中，使用得极为得当，体现了该词的美妙价值，为句子增色，让文章添彩，它就是较高级词汇。下面介绍4招，以实现由低级词汇向高级词汇的转化。 第1招：“语”众不同，避免人云亦云 写作时恰当得体地使用别人可能想不到的词汇或表达，会给阅卷老师耳目一新的感觉。 ①I am very glad to know you are interested in Tang poems. →I am more than delighted to know you are interested in Tang poems.(2017·全国卷Ⅰ书面表达) ②My job application form and personal resume have been prepared and I sincerely hope you can help me correct them. →My job application form and personal resume have been prepared and I sincerely hope you can help me polish them. (2016·全国卷Ⅰ书面表达) ③I should be free any time after school next week. →I should be available any time after school next week.(2016·全国卷Ⅲ书面表达) 第2招：更新换代，避免重复 写作时应尽量避免重复使用相同的词语，要用贴切多样的词语来展示自己的水平。用词不同、表达方式迥异，也是高级用法。 ①The boxoffice income of Chinese movies witnessed a constant increase from about 17 billion yuan in 2012 to over 40 billion in 2015 ...However, China witnessed a decline in its economic growth rate last year. →The boxoffice income of Chinese movies witnessed a constant increase from about 17 billion yuan in 2012 to over 40 billion in 2015 ... However, China saw a decline in its economic growth rate last year. (2017·江苏高考书面表达) ②Any student who is interested is welcome to participate ...If you want to participate, you can send your photos to intlphotoshow @gmschool.com. →Any student who is interested is welcome to participate ...If you want to join, you can send your photos to intlphotoshow @gmschool.com.(2016·全国卷Ⅱ书面表达) We may have different opinions in organizing class activities.We may have different ways to deal with such a situation. →We may have different opinions in organizing class activities.We may have various ways to deal with such a situation.(2015·浙江高考书面表达) 第3招：单词与短语巧妙互用 一般情况下短语优先，应多使用词组、习语来代替一些单词，以增加文采。但有时单词比短语更生动，可以“一词传神”。所以我们应把单词与短语巧妙互用。 ①Some compromises were unavoidable, but the video proved perfect. →Some compromises were unavoidable, but the video turned out perfect.(2017·北京高考书面表达) ②Cinemas have gradually given way to the rise of the Internet and cellphones, and the ticket price is increasing. →Cinemas have gradually given way to the rise of the Internet and cellphones, and the ticket price is on the increase. (2017·江苏高考书面表达) ③I want to tell you something about my plan for the summer vacation and Id like you to help me. →I want to tell you something about my plan for the summer vacation and I’d like you to do me a favor. (2016·全国卷Ⅰ书面表达) ④We can look at this problem in many ways. →We can view this problem in many ways.(view比look at更有内涵) 第4招：尽量用高级阶段学到的词代替低级阶段学到的词 ①The editing part after that was difficult. →The editing part after that was tough.(2017·北京高考书面表达) ②This summer I want to do a parttime job in a foreign capital company, through which I would like to broaden my horizons, get some working experience and meet more new friends. →This summer I intend to take up a parttime job in a foreign capital company, through which I would like to broaden my horizons, gain some working experience and meet more new friends. (2016·全国卷Ⅰ书面表达) ③In my opinion, Internet voting has begun to show its negative effects on people and society. →In my opinion, Internet voting has begun to show its negative impacts on people and society.(2016·江苏高考书面表达) 句式单一、缺乏生气的文章，哪怕无任何错误也不可能得高分。精彩句式的合理使用会使文章极具可读性。考生在写作时应多运用一些高级句式和复合句，并注意句式的灵活多变，让文章读起来抑扬顿挫，让考生深厚的语言功底得以体现，让作文跨上五档线！ (一)利用复合句和非谓语动词，提升文章档次 1．增加亮点的定语从句 定语从句的应用可以非常有效地提升表达档次，在写作中如果我们可以把两个简单句合并为一个含有定语从句的复合句，或者把并列句改为含有定语从句的复合句，这些都能为文章增加亮点。 ①Papercutting is a traditional art form in China.It has a history of more than 1,500 years. →Papercutting is a traditional art form in China, which has a history of more than 1,500 years. (2017·全国卷Ⅱ书面表达) ②We will go to the Spring Mountain and there we can have a climb. →We will go to the Spring Mountain, where we can have a climb.(2017·浙江高考应用文写作) 2．吸引眼球的状语从句 在英语写作中，状语从句是经常用到的句型，它的灵活运用能使作文更具吸引力。 ①If you want to apply for membership, you are required to fill in the application form and send an email to pingpang @123.com.(2017·全国卷书面表达) We can set out early so that we will have more time to read and select books. (2016·全国卷Ⅲ书面表达) ③When it comes to the season I like best, spring will always occur to me in no time.(2016·四川高考书面表达) 3．提升档次的名词性从句 名词性从句包括主语从句、宾语从句、表语从句和同位语从句，是写作中常见的高级表达方式。 ①It is known that we can benefit a lot from playing PingPong.(主语从句)(2017·全国卷Ⅲ书面表达) ②Thats why I think the trip along the Yangtze River is a better choice.(表语从句)(2017·北京高考书面表达) ③I hope the change will not cause you too much trouble.(宾语从句)(2016·全国卷Ⅲ书面表达) 4．言简意明的非谓语动词 恰当地运用非谓语动词，不仅句型多样、句子活泼，而且读起来结构紧凑、言简意明。 ①Consequently, some viewers began to turn away from cinemas, leading to a slower growth.(2017·江苏高考书面表达) ②To get admitted, I have made good preparations beforehand, trying to know as much as I could about my city. (2017·天津高考书面表达) ③Our class came up with the idea to make better use of used materials.(2016·北京高考书面表达) (二)常用7大句式，考场驾轻就熟 写作中，如果考生能够使用如强调句型、倒装句型等特殊句式，不仅能彰显考生的英语水平，还能提升写作档次。 1．强调句型 ①It is the teachers praise that contributes to my success. (2015·湖南高考书面表达)②It is not the story itself but what is reflected in the story that counts. (2015·福建高考书面表达) 2．倒装句 ①Only in this way can we students study happily and effectively.(2015·湖南高考满分作文) ②Not only does it affect our daily life, but it also puts peoples lives at risk. (2015·江苏高考满分作文) 3．省略句 ①As (it is) scheduled, we participated in several instructive activities.(2016·天津高考书面表达) ②While (we were) visiting the art exhibition, we discussed the great artists works.(2016·天津高考书面表达) 4．虚拟语气 ①I wish that you could grasp this opportunity to learn traditional Chinese culture further.(2017·全国卷Ⅱ书面表达) ②To master Mandarin, I strongly suggest you (should) practice with Chinese people.(2015·四川高考满分作文) 5．with ①In the picture, we can see a boy in worn clothes, sitting at a shabby wooden table with a pile of books on it. (2015·福建高考书面表达) ②With English words getting popular in both media and daily life, the Dictionary of Contemporary Chinese has included 239 of them.(2014·江苏高考满分作文) 6．并列句型 To be honest, voters sometimes feel annoyed, not because they hate voting, but because they are divided between emotion and fairness. (2016·江苏高考书面表达) ②By doing so, I can not only share good ideas with others but also learn to express myself clearly.(2015·浙江高考书面表达) 7．it ①I think it great fun to learn the poems written in the Tang Dynasty with you.(it作形式宾语)(2017·全国卷Ⅰ书面表达) ②Everyone in our society should help those in need, but it is more important to be sincere and earnest.(it作形式主语)(2016·江苏高考书面表达) Ⅰ.请用更高级词汇替换体词汇 1．The teacher directed the gifted students towards the more difficult courses. 2．Well try our best to develop the traditional friendship between us. 3．I can no longer bear the way he speaks to us.4．I met one of my classmates on my way to school yesterday. difficult→challenging develop→promote bear→put up with met→came across 5．He has decided to be a teacher when he grows up.6．Developing very quickly, the Internet causes the breakdown of facetoface communication. 7．When you are bored with the people sometimes, youd better find a quiet place, listening to some classical music. 8．More and more visitors have been attracted to this place. decided→determined/made up his mind causes→gives rise to bored with→fed up with More and more→An increasing number of 9．He didnt listen to what I said in the class. 10．Suddenly I thought of an idea that someone had broken into my house. didn’t listen to→turned a deaf ear to I thought of an idea→I came up with an idea/an idea occurred to me Ⅱ.按要求改写下列句子 1．My favorite hobbies are reading books and newspapers.They have become a necessary part of my daily life. → (用定语从句合并句子) 2．That they had had professional training impressed me most. →(用主语从句和表语从句改写句子) My favorite hobbies are reading books and newspapers, which have become a necessary part of my daily life. What impressed me most was that they had had professional training. 3．After we had practiced playing basketball for almost two months, we strongly desired to be the winner. → (用分词作状语改写句子) 4．I didnt know real happiness until I met you. → (用强调句型改写句子) Having practiced playing basketball for almost two months, we strongly desired to be the winner. It was not until I met you that I knew real happiness. 5．The weather was so cold that we had to stay at home. →(用倒装句改写句子) 6．The local government didnt realize the problem until the river was seriously polluted. → (用倒装句改写句子) So cold was the weather that we had to stay at home. Not until the river was seriously polluted did the local government realize the problem. 7．Its time for us to take measures to protect endangered animals. → (用虚拟语气改写句子) 8．When we approached the city center, we saw a stone statue of about 10 meters in height. → (用现在分词短语作时间状语改写句子) It?s time that we took/should take measures to protect endangered animals. Approaching the city center, we saw a stone statue of about 10 meters in height. 9．They are experienced, knowledgeable, patient and understanding. → (用not only ...but also ...并列句型改写句子) 10．We should speak more English.We think it is very important. →(用it作形式宾语改写句子) They are not only experienced and knowledgeable, but also patient and understanding. We think it very important to speak more English. Ⅲ.词汇升级作文 [题目要求] 假定你是李华。你的一位美国笔友Robert写电子邮件问及你高考后暑假的安排。请根据以下要点，写一封100词左右的电子邮件回复他。 1．学开车； 2．参加英语培训课程； 3．游览北京的名胜； 4．好好休息，享受爱好。 注意：1．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯； 2．开头和结尾已给出，不计入总词数。 Dear Robert， How time flies！ Yours， Li Hua [考生作文] Dear Robert， How time flies！The College Entrance Examination is coming soon, which will announce the end of this stressful life.Therefore, I want to have a colorful and meaningful summer vacation. First, I will learn how to drive to get a driving license, because I like driving very much.Second, I will take some English courses to improve my spoken English.After that, I will visit some tourist attractions throughout China to widen my horizons.Surely, I will take some photos to send to you via the Internet.Finally, I will have a good rest and enjoy my hobbies. This is the plan for my vacation.I am eagerly looking forward to it. Yours， Li Hua [我来提升] 将文中加词汇升级 1．coming soon→2．want→3．First→4．like→5．Second→6．visit→7．Finally→ approaching/around the corner intend To begin with/To start with am fond of In addition/What?s more pay a visit to At last/Eventually Ⅳ.句式升级作文 [题目要求] 假定你是李华，上周参加了美国朋友David的生日聚会。请你写封感谢信，表达你对聚会的喜爱和对David的祝福。 注意：1．词数100左右； 2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯； 3．开头和结尾已给出，不计入总词数。 Dear David， Yours， Li Hua [考生作文] Dear David， Im writing to express my grateful feeling to you.Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party last week.It brought me lots of entertainment. During the party, what impressed me most was your happy family.Both your parents were enthusiastic over me.I really enjoyed it because it made me feel at home.And the dessert and other snacks you offered me were tasty.In addition, the light music and candle light created a nice and warm atmosphere.On account of that I was able to open my heart to your other friendly and active friends like brothers and sisters. Thanks again for your dinner.And the unforgettable experience will be stored in my mind forever. Yours， Li Hua [我来提升] 将文中加句式升级 1．(用定语从句合并句子) 2．(用强调句改写句子) Thank you for inviting me to your birthday party last week, which brought me lots of entertainment. It is on account of that that I was able to open my heart to your other friendly and active friends like brothers and sisters.